Yeats

It was W.B. Yeats who said 'the centre cannot hold'.

I'm going to expand on Yeats and say 'the centre cannot hold more than one UK political party at a time'. People like Mary Ann Sieghart have been saying that, since the Tories have gone to the right and Sillyband has taken his party leftwards, now is the time for Nick Clegg to plonk the Liberal Democrats in the middle. But pronouncements from Sillyband like this one, on tuition fees, make me think Mary Ann and her ilk might not quite have it right.

I've talked about Clegg's strategy here before, and on his party, I think Sieghart et al are on the money - the Lib Dems certainly appear centrist when judged against Cameron's lot, and it's always a good sign when every day, every single day without fail, you see a letter in the Mail or the Express from 'J. Pus, Funtbury-on-Sea' decrying Clegg for reminding the Tories of his existence. But if you think Sillyband's pledge to cut the tuition fees cap to six grand is sign of a party inching towards the left, you must be kidding me. It is a sign of a party swaying on the spot. The words 'deckchairs', 'Titanic', 'no new policy ideas' and 'clueless dorks' come to mind.

I mean, seriously. Sillyband did it with the public sector strikes, too. This infamous exercise in AI simulation shows that, when he's faced with a choice between something unpalatable and something else unpalatable - in this case, swingeing reductions in our quality of life on the one side and the spectacle of Bob Crow sitting on your face forever and ever on the other - he'll take a moderate line that satisfies no-one. So it is with tuition fees: accepting on the one hand that the current plans will expose the country to a massive wodge of never-to-be-repaid graduate debt, but feeling on the other that to say 'No fees at all!' would prompt calls for him to be sent off to a darkened room somewhere, he's come up with the ludicrous suggestion of reducing student fees, erm, a little bit.

It doesn't wash. Ed - you're not leading a party of the left, you're leading a party of moderates so moderate that they only do moderation in moderation. And you must try harder. Harder and lefter. If the centre ground is Nick Clegg's - and I think it is - then get the hell off it.

And in that context, I'm afraid, today's thunderous (and admirable) pledge to go after shit bastards looks desperate, and seems like one of those proposals destined to hit the Great Policy Dustbin as soon as Labour get elected, which, on this evidence, will be never, despite their decent poll showings. The right wing does it too: witness Cameron's frothing about a British Bill of Rights. Again, completely unachievable.

*

Judaism again. It's Rosh Hashanah - Jewish New Year* - on Thursday, and at conversion class the rabbi passed round a moving passage on the need for reflection on past actions and positive change. 'Help us to turn from callousness to sensitivity; from hostility to love; from pettiness to purpose; from envy to contentment; from carelessness to discipline; from fear to faith'.

It is easy to absorb these lessons in a nice magnolia room that looks a bit like a village hall and smells a bit like an old book.

But barely ten minutes after reading the passage out in my best 'Book at Bedtime' Radio 4 rumble, I was on a bus and an arguing drunk man and his open can of Stella were shouting in my ear and ruining my night. Now, I'm sure galumphing off the bus and yelling "WANKERS" into the night sky is a sensitive, loving and contented thing to do in some universe somewhere, but at this time of year... come on, Spinks, have a bit of gumption.

Harrumph, then. Shana tova everyone.

*I should say that Judaism has four New Years according to the handout at conversion class: the calendar year, starting in March-ish, the fiscal year, starting in August-ish, Tu B'shvat, which is a new year for trees (awesome!), and Rosh Hashanah, which is in September-ish and is the one where the number of the year changes over. We're going into 5772, by the way.